As the number of employees juggling the care of an older loved one escalates, these working caregivers are increasingly torn between the pressing needs of their families and unyielding obligations to their employers.  Clearly, most employers fail to recognize the overwhelming consequences of their employees unresolved eldercare issues – the outcome of this oversight will most certainly create a sobering financial hit to these organizations bottom line.  A recent survey conducted by MetLife, which estimates the aggregate cost of caregiving in lost productivity to United States businesses at approximately $34 billion per year, irrefutably elucidates this assumption!  Yet to my incredulity, only about one in four companies currently offer elder care benefits.

Even if corporate eldercare benefits do exist on paper, most employees say their supervisor’s negative attitude toward eldercare heavily influences their limited use of these perks. Apparently many managers are perceived to be sending mixed signals if employees try to use these benefits.  This seems especially prevalent in the case of an older employee and a younger manager, in which the manager may not have had any previous experience caregiving for an aging loved one.  With that being said, it’s estimated that supervisors spend 55.7 million hours of company time per year dealing with issues specifically related to employed caregivers, for a total cost to businesses of over $800 million annually.

This impending “employee caregiving crisis” is not surprising however, when you consider that an estimated 65 million people – 29% of the United States population – currently provide informal care for a chronically ill, disabled or aged family member or friend during any given year.  It’s alarming to note that most caregivers are cited as tending to their parents, or other mature relatives, an average of 20 hours per week – 13% of family caregivers report that they actually provide an astounding 40 hours (or more) of care a week.

As of January 1^st 2011, each day 10,000 baby boomers turn 65 years of age – the average 65-year-old today can expect to live another 20.4 years.  Statistics show that 85% of persons 65 years of age, and over, will require some form of caregiving assistance within their lifetime.  These figures are undoubtedly expected to rise significantly as our population continues to “age up” appreciably over the next decade.

Providing eldercare can be an unexpected rollercoaster of emotional, physical, and financial drains for caregivers.  It’s this complex and unpredictable maelstrom that exemplifies the need for companies to be aware of, and prepared for, the demands of employees providing care.  The most common challenges that employed caregivers face include: taking unpaid leaves of absence or using personal or sick days to provide care; coming to work late/leaving work early; refusing relocation or work-related travel; and declining overtime work or new assignments.  If employers want to sustain a healthy work environment and the highest level of productivity, they must support “caregiver-friendly” policies that include innovative eldercare benefits.

The issue of eldercare benefits has become especially important to women, inasmuch as they make up approximately 66% of the caregivers in the U.S.  The typical family caregiver is a 49-year-old woman caring for her widowed 69-year-old mother who doesn’t (currently) live with her.  She’s married, employed and more than 37% of these female caregivers have children or grandchildren under 18 years old also living with them.  This group is commonly referred to as the “sandwich generation” and is made up of those folks who are caught between taking care of their aging loved ones and their children simultaneously.

During the 2009 economic downturn, 1 in 5 family caregivers stated that their finances were so strained that they were forced to move into the same home with their aging loved ones to cut down on their annual expenses.  Incredibly, 47% of working caregivers indicate that an increase in caregiving expenses has caused them to use up all or most of their savings.  It’s estimated that the average family caregiver spends at least $5,500 per year on out of pocket caregiving expenses – long distance caregivers are projected to be spending in excess of $8,500 annually!

Caregiver’s health is unquestionably being negatively impacted with over 20% of family caregivers self-reporting their health is “fair or poor” at best!  63% of caregivers report having poorer eating habits than non-caregivers and 58% indicate worse exercise habits than before caregiving responsibilities.  In addition, over 20% of employed female caregivers report symptoms of depression compared to 8% of their non-caregiving peers.  Not to mention, family caregivers experiencing extreme stress have been shown to “age” prematurely – it’s estimated that this level of stress can take as much as 10 years off a family caregiver’s life!

With all of this being said, and at the risk of sounding completely dismissive, I do want to take a moment to give a “shout out” to a few of the companies that ARE offering at least some type of eldercare benefits:

Prudential Financial – they let workers make a $100 co-payment and hire a geriatric-care specialist.

McGraw-Hill – permits employees to enroll one other adult family member, which can be an elderly relative, on their health-insurance plan at regular family rates.

Verizon Communications – (the Verizon Wireless division) offers emergency in-home care, and has even extended the benefit to some part-time employees.

Freddie Mac – offers monthly support groups for those caring for family members and provides emergency elder home care, for which employees pay $15 a day.

AstraZeneca – employees can get six hours a year with a geriatric care expert who will help them access, and hopefully palliate, their caregiving situation.

IBM – offers discounted long-term-care insurance, an ambulance at the touch of a button, and free software to assist employees who are using the internet to find caregiver resources.

The rest of corporate America MUST wake up and start to recognize these seemingly perennial caregiving trends – if for no other reason than to strengthen their bottom line!  Employees caring for elderly loved ones cost employers 8% more in health care expenses – estimated to be worth $13.4 billion per year.  Recently released research indicated that six in 10 family caregivers are currently employed.  66% of these employees stated that they’ve routinely been forced to make some adjustments to their work life, from reporting late to work to giving up work entirely; and 1 in 5 family caregivers have had to take a family leave of absence.  Eldercare in the workplace, although still largely unaddressed, has become one of the fastest growing work-family employee challenges to emerge in the past decade.  Eldercare is indeed quickly catching up to childcare as the “hot button issue” facing personnel today and these employees indubitably deserve to understand how their employers will be assisting them – emotionally, physically and financially – to help stabilize this ongoing caregiving crisis.

ALEXIS ABRAMSON, Ph.D. is cited as America’s leading, impassioned champion for the dignity and independence of those over 50.  Dr. Abramson is the author of two highly acclaimed books — The Caregivers 
Survival Handbook and Home Safety for Seniors.  For additional information please visit www.alexisabramson.com.

Even if you’re experiencing a troublesome level of memory loss, there are many things you can do to learn new information and retain it.  The same practices that contribute to healthy aging and physical vitality also contribute to healthy memory.   When it comes to memory, it’s “use it or lose it.”   Just as physical exercise can make and keep your body stronger, mental exercise can make your brain work better and lower the risk of mental decline.  Here are some fantastic tips I’ve collected from my expert colleagues in the field of LIVING (not aging)!!!!!!

 Tips to Help Prevent Memory Loss and Cognitive Decline

• Exercise Regularly. Regular exercise boosts brain growth factors and encourages the development of new brain cells. Exercise also reduces the risk for disorders that lead to memory loss, such as diabetes and cardiovascular disease. Exercise also makes a huge difference in managing stress and alleviating anxiety and depression—all of which leads to a healthier brain.
• Stay Social. People who don’t have social contact with family and friends are at higher risk for memory problems than people who have strong social ties. Social interaction helps brain function in several ways: it often involves activities that challenge the mind, and it helps ward off stress and depression. So join a book club, reconnect with old friends, or visit the local senior center. Being with other people will help keep you sharp!
• Eat Plenty of Fruits, Vegetables, and Omega-3 Fats. Antioxidants, found in abundance in fresh produce, literally keep your brain cells from “rusting.” And foods rich in omega-3 fats (such as salmon, tuna, trout, walnuts, and flaxseed) are particularly good for your brain and memory. Also avoid saturated and trans fats, which helps cholesterol levels and reduces your risk of stroke.
• Manage Stress. Cortisol, the stress hormone, damages the brain over time and can lead to memory problems. But even before that happens, stress causes memory difficulties in the moment. When you’re stressed out, you’re more likely to suffer memory lapses and have trouble learning and concentrating.
• Get Plenty of Sleep. Sleep is necessary for memory consolidation, the process of forming and storing new memories so you can retrieve them later. Sleep deprivation also reduces the growth of new neurons in the hippocampus and causes problems with memory, concentration, and decision-making. It can even lead to depression—another memory killer.
• Don’t Smoke. Smoking heightens the risk of vascular disorders that can cause stroke and constrict arteries that deliver oxygen to the brain.

 Brain Exercises to Help Prevent Memory Loss & Boost Brainpower

Here are some ideas for brain exercise, from light workouts to heavy lifting:

• Play games that involve strategy, like chess or bridge, and word games like Scrabble.
• Try crossword and other word puzzles, or number puzzles such as Sudoku.
• Read newspapers, magazines, and books that challenge you.
• Get in the habit of learning new things: games, recipes, driving routes, a musical instrument, a foreign language.
• Take a course in an unfamiliar subject that interests you. The more interested and engaged your brain, the more likely you’ll be to continue learning and the greater the benefits you’ll experience.
• Take on a project that involves design and planning, such as a new garden or a quilt.

It’s time to consult a doctor when memory lapses become frequent enough or sufficiently noticeable to concern you or a family member. If you get to that point, make an appointment to talk with your primary physician and have a thorough physical examination.  The doctor will ask you a lot of question about your memory, including:

• How long you or others have noticed a problem with your memory?
• What kinds of things have been difficult to remember?
• Whether the difficulty came on gradually or suddenly?
• Whether you’re having trouble doing ordinary things?

The doctor also will want to know what medications you’re taking, how you’ve been eating and sleeping, whether you’ve been depressed or stressed lately, and other questions about what’s been happening in your life. Chances are the doctor will also ask you or your partner to keep track of your symptoms and check back in a few months.

Each year, millions of people over 65 are treated in hospital emergency rooms for fall injuries associated with stairs, bathtubs, furniture, carpeting and other products seniors live with and use every day. Many of these accidents could be prevented.  It is estimated that simple modifications to the interior of the house can cut a mature adults risk of falling in half.  Changes in furniture arrangement, housekeeping, bathroom safety and lighting will definitely help reduce the risk of falling at home.

We asked Dr. Alexis Abramson, the author of The Caregiver’s Survival Handbook and Home Safety for Seniors, a list of important questions to help you determine if your aging loved ones home, or your own home, is safe for a mature adult.

Q: Where in the home is considered the most dangerous place that seniors need to be most careful?

The bathroom is one of the most hazardous places in the home for accidents; the majority of broken hips are the result of slipping in the bathtub. The U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission reported that there are more than 300,000 bathroom accidents each year and that at least 2.5 million adults over the age of 65 need special assistance in bathing.

Q: What are some of the best things to do to prevent these bathroom accidents?

• Install grab bars on the bathroom walls near the toilet and along the bathtub or shower.
• Place a slip-resistant rug adjacent to the bathtub for safe exit and entry.
• Mount a liquid soap dispenser on the bathtub/shower wall.
• Place nonskid adhesive textured strips on the bathtub/shower floor.
• A universal bath bench can be used in the bathroom to provide additional stability and comfort for bathing and transition in and out of the bathtub.
• Stabilize yourself on the toilet by using either a raised seat or a special toilet seat with armrests.
• Replace glass shower enclosures with non-shattering material.
•  Place night lights between the bathroom and bedroom to help for safe maneuvering at night.

Q: What about stairs and steps, what should be done?

• Make sure light switches are at both the top and bottom of the stairs.
• Provide enough light to see each step and the top and bottom landings.
• Keep flashlights nearby in case of a power outage.
• Install handrails on both sides of the stairway and be sure to use them.
• Do not leave objects on the stairs.
• Consider installing motion detector lights, which turn on automatically and light your stairway.
• Put nonslip treads on each bare-wood step.
• Do not use patterned, dark, or deep-pile carpeting. Solid colors show the edges of steps more clearly.
• Do not place loose area rugs at the bottom or top of stairs.
• Repair loose stairway carpeting or boards immediately.

Q: What are some home safety tips for living areas?

• Arrange furniture to create clear pathways between rooms.
• Remove low coffee tables, magazine racks, footrests, and plants from pathways in rooms.
• Install easy-access light switches at entrances to rooms so you won’t have to walk into a darkened room in order to turn on the light. Glow-in-the-dark switches may be helpful.
• Secure loose area rugs with double-faced tape or slip-resistant backing. Recheck these rugs periodically.
• Keep electric, appliance, and telephone cords out of your pathways, but don’t put cords under a rug.
• Eliminate wobbly chairs, ladders, and tables.
• Always keep a folding cane within reach just in case you, or your aging loved, feels less well balanced and needs something to steady them.
• Do not sit in a chair or on a sofa that is so low it is difficult to stand up.
• Place carpeting over concrete, ceramic, and marble floors to lessen the severity of injury if you fall.
• Repair loose wooden floorboards immediately.

 Q: How about the Kitchen?

• Remove throw rugs.
• Immediately clean up any liquid, grease, or food spilled on the floor.
• Store food, dishes, and cooking equipment at easy-to-reach waist-high level.
• Don’t stand on chairs or boxes to reach upper cabinets. Use only a step stool with an attached handrail so you are supported.
• Repair loose flooring.
• Use nonskid floor wax.

Q: And Bedrooms?

• Clear clutter from the floor.
• Place a lamp and flashlight near your bed.
• Again, install night-lights along the route between the bedroom and the bathroom.
• Sleep on a bed that is easy to get into and out of.
• Keep a telephone near your bed.

Q: Do you have any additional home safety tips?

Yes, smoke detectors should be installed in the home and checked periodically to be sure that they work. According to the National Fire Protection Association (NFPA) home fires are more deadly than all others combined and for those individuals 65 or older, the fire death risk is twice as high as that of the average population.

 Sources:

***  Center for Disease Control and Prevention

www.cdc.gov    

800-311-3435

***  American Academy of Orthopedic Surgeons

www.orthoinfo.org

847-823-7186

***  National Fire Protection Association

www.nfpa.org  

617-770-3000

ALEXIS ABRAMSON, Ph.D. is cited as America’s leading, impassioned champion for the dignity and independence of those over 50.  Dr. Abramson is the author of two 
highly acclaimed books — The Caregivers 
Survival Handbook and Home Safety for Seniors.  For more information go to www.alexisabramson.com and Innovate50.com.

 Start early.  There are some issues that almost all caregivers or would-be caregivers will face at some point, including changing living arrangements, drawing up a will or giving up driving, etc.  If they haven’t arisen yet, discussing them with your older family member before decisions must be made can be a lot less stressful.

Pick your battles.  As a caregiver, you will most likely encounter situations where you have to override your parent’s wish to keep them safe and well.  But do so only when necessary!  If your father wants to drive his car after his license has been revoked, for example, it’s your responsibility to stop him.  If he wants to wear red plaid pants with a blue striped shirt or put up his Christmas tree in August, let it slide.

Enlist the help of professionals.  Even though you may be closer to your aging loved one than anyone else, that doesn’t mean you have to be the bearer of all bad news.  If you think your Mom needs to see a psychiatrist or trade in her high-heel pumps for safer shoes it might make sense to have a trusted doctor broach the subject with her.

Let your parents live in their own world.  If your father’s college football stories or your mother’s insistence that she’s never met your husband (despite the fact that she’s known him for thirty years) drives you up a wall, don’t let on.  How many times has your child or best friend told you the same story over and over?  Try acting amazed when you hear about that wining touchdown for the thousandth’ time or tell your mother that you’d love to introduce her to your husband (just make sure you let him in on the role playing!).

Don’t make assumptions.  If you need to make a decision regarding your loved one’s care, don’t always assume you know what’s best for them.  One article I read recently said that most caregivers thought their parent would be better off moving in with them, while most older adults said they would prefer to stay in their own homes or live in an assisted-living facility. If your parent is cognitively and mentally able to participate in decisions regarding their own care, by all means ask for their input.

Consider your parent’s feelings.  It’s not easy getting old.  If you look at things from your parent’s perspective – and consider that you will most likely be in their situation one day – you’ll realize it’s smarter to let go of past grudges that might lead to conflict and simply forgive.

Allow your parent to call the shots – sometimes.  Many of the challenges that arise in caregiving come when parents feel they are no longer useful or in control.  As with parenting your own child, it’s important to give your parents some power in the family – particularly if he or she lives in your home with you.  If possible, allow them to plan meals, or pick TV shows or family activities now and then.

Use positive reinforcement.  It’s easy to criticize when things aren’t going well, especially when you’re overwhelmed and exhausted.  But instead of complaining when things go wrong, try praising your parent when things go right.  Chances are your parent wants to please you and will appreciate the encouragement.

Foster your parent’s independence.  Some older adults sit back and prefer to be waited on.  But many would much rather do things themselves – if they can.  By allowing your parents to do the tasks they are physically able to do you will help boost their self-esteem and maintain their independence.

Reconsider your arrangements.  If constant conflicts with your parents are having a negative impact on your health and your family, you may have no choice but to make other arrangements for their care.  If he or she is living in your house, perhaps they could live with another family member or move into an assisted-living home.  If you’re providing most of the care – perhaps another family member could take over some of the duties.

ALEXIS ABRAMSON, Ph.D. is cited as America’s leading, impassioned champion for the dignity and independence of those over 50. Abramson is the author of two
highly acclaimed books — The Caregivers 
Survival Handbook and Home Safety for Seniors.  For more information go to www.alexisabramson.com.

Ó 2011  AJA Associates, LLC.

A.  Having just moved to a different home – I completely understand how she feels – moving is something that is very hard for all us and it can be especially difficult for someone who has lived in a particular neighborhood or house for a lifetime!  But fear not, because there are “senior relocation specialists” who focus on helping older adults move with ease.  They start with a pre-move consultation to help come up with a plan as to the best items to keep and those your aging loved one might consider leaving behind.  The specialist makes it a very positive experience for the individual involved and makes sure they bring all of their sentimental belongings to their new home.  The specialist then sets the older adult up in the new home and creates a look and feel as similar as possible to their previous home.  This helps make the individual “feel at home.”  Go online and google “senior relocation specialists” and you will find a specialist in your mother-in-laws area.

Q.  My Mom has gotten a bit forgetful lately.  I told her that she didn’t need to worry too much and that it was just a natural part of aging.  Am I right?

A. Age related changes in the brain can make it harder to learn and remember certain things. Memory problems that aren’t usually considered to be a part of “normal aging” are: forgetting things much more often than you used to, having trouble learning new things, repeating phrases or stories in the same conversation and having trouble making routine choices or handling money. I would definitely suggest that you have your mother discuss her memory problems with her physician to make sure she is properly diagnosed.  One decision that everyone, especially mature adults, should stick to is the promise to keep our minds sharp throughout our lives.  Researchers call this lifelong process “cognitive vitality.”

Q.  My husband just retired and he seems incredibly bored!  Can you suggest something adventurous that we could do together outside of the regular “keep busy activities” that everyone always recommends?

A.  This is a very common question – believe me you’re not alone wondering what to do with your spouse after they’ve retired!  Why not try going on a volunteer vacation together?  “Voluntourism” is one of the fastest growing segments of the travel industry and it’s about seeing the world from a firsthand perspective rather than as a passive tourist looking through a window.  It’s very economical and it allows you to experience a country that you want to visit while working, eating and living with the local residents.  Not only do you get to travel and see the world, but you will also be making a difference.  You can find the top “volunteer vacations” online at websites like www.globalvolunteers.org and www.earthwatch.org.  Safe Travels!

Q.  My father unexpectedly passed away and he was in charge of all of my parent’s financial affairs.  Where do I begin in terms of helping my Mom with her taxes?

A.  My condolences to you and your family for the loss of your father.  Fortunately, one of the programs the IRS sponsors is Tax Counseling for the Elderly (TCE).  In conjunction with this program AARP offers its Tax-Aide counseling at more than 9,000 sites nationwide each filing season.  Trained and certified AARP Tax-Aide volunteer counselors help people of low-to-moderate incomes with special attention to those aged 60 and over.  For more information on TCE call 1-800-829-1040.  To locate the nearest AARP Tax-Aide site, call 1-888-227-7669 or visit www.aarp.org.  The IRS also offers many publications for older Americans to help them understand their taxes.  You can learn more about this informatin on the web at www.irs.gov or call 1-800-829-1040.

Q.  I’m 65 and I love to exercise but sometimes my arthritis gets the best of me! Can you recommend some low impact exercises that will help me stay fit?

A.  There is no doubt that joint-jarring activities like aerobics and kickboxing are giving way to gentler pursuits for people, like you, who have a chronic condition.  In your case I suggest you look into pilates, yoga, tai chi, elliptical trainers and exercise bikes.  Whatever you choose – keep exercising regularly!  With heart disease, cancer and strokes serving as the leading causes of death for mature adults, staying physically active not only helps to prevent many illnesses, it can improve the health of people who already have debilitating diseases or disabilities.  Just a reminder, make sure you check with your physician before you begin any new exercise routine.

Q.  My Dad has a really hard time sleeping – he says his joints and legs ache.  Can you recommend something I can do to help him sleep better?

A.  Changes in sleeping patterns are a normal part of aging.  As people age they tend to have a harder time falling asleep and more trouble staying asleep than when they were younger.  Fortunately there are several sleep aids that can help ease your Dads leg and muscle aches and provide more comfort to help him sleep.  One of these products is called the Butterfly Leg Massage Pillow – you can get one for him online at www.target.com.  This ergonomic pillow will put support where he needs it most so he can sleep better.  You can find much more information and tips for better sleeping by visiting www.sleepfoundation.org or calling (202) 347-3471.

Q.  My daughter and her family are spending the holidays with her husband’s family this year.  I don’t want to be alone but I don’t them to feel guilty about not being with me either.  What should I do?

A.  It’s okay to let your daughter know you’re a bit apprehensive about being alone over the holidays and you would rather be around people during this time.  Perhaps you can join your daughter in visiting her in-laws so that the whole family can be together for the season!  You can also consider volunteering your time in your community during the holidays.  Giving to others is a great way to forget your own concerns and make a difference for someone who needs your help.  For more information about volunteering, visit: www.volunteermatch.org or call (415) 241-6872.

Q.  My Dad spends a lot of time alone and he constantly wants me to come visit.  I’ve been thinking about getting him a pet – do you think this is a good idea?

A.  Having a pet can offer a sense of well-being, encouragement and even a reason for living.  Being responsible for another life often gives new meaning to the lives of those who are living alone or who have experienced a loss.  Caring for and providing a loving home to an animal companion will also encourage your father to remain active and stay healthy.  However, I strongly suggest that you don’t surprise your father with a pet.  Instead, discuss the idea with him and see if he’s open to it, go pet shopping together so you can help him consider the costs, responsibilities and his lifestyle when making the decision!  For more information about adopting a pet, visit the Humane Society of the United States at: www.hsus.org or call (202) 452-1100.

Q.  I recently visited my Aunt and she appears to have lost weight, she says she isn’t sleeping very well at night and she isn’t her usual happy and energetic self.  Should I be concerned?

A.  You should definitely take these changes seriously as the symptoms you have described could be signs of depression.  Depression is a medical illness and is nothing to be ashamed of.  Many seniors are prone to depression as they have many losses in their lives – family, friends, etc.  I would encourage her to talk about her feelings as this can help her understand why she is feeling this way.  It is also important that she sees a physician who can ascertain if she’s clinically depressed.  For more information visit the Geriatric Mental Health Foundation at:  www.gmhfonline.org or call (301) 654-7850.

Q.  What are some helpful tips for having a discussion with my Dad about his extremely dangerous driving skills?

A.  As difficult as it may seem, it’s important that you approach your dad sooner rather than later about his driving. Whatever you do, try to stay calm when speaking with him ― he may be more receptive than you expect! It may take a few attempts to ease into the discussion. Lead the conversation with the idea of safety ― not only your father’s safety but also others on the road. Encourage him to share his own thoughts and concerns before discussing possible options. He may only need to make small adjustments to his driving routine such as driving only during the day. Lastly, realize that your dad may become upset or defensive. Research shows that men are typically more reluctant to quit driving than women; however, your continued concern and support will certainly help him feel more comfortable with this topic.

Q.  My father will be enrolling in the Medicare Part D Plan this year but we are having a hard time understanding the plan and how it works.  Where can we get some information about the plan that is easy to comprehend?

A.  Enrolling in the Part D plan of Medicare (the prescription drug plan) can be a very confusing process and your father is lucky to have you helping him!  You can talk to a Medicare Counselor at your State Health Insurance Counseling and Assistance Program by going online to: www.medicare.gov and clicking on your state.  These counselors can answer all of your questions in detail and help you understand the plan.  Also, for more general information you can always call 1-800-MEDICARE (1-800-633-4227) for additional help as you tackle the Medicare maze.

Q.  Every year my daughter bothers me about getting a flu shot and I keep telling her that I don’t need the shot because I had all my shots as a child.  Isn’t it true that my childhood vaccines protect me for life?

A.  Unfortunately when it comes to the flu, NO!  As you age, the strength of your immune system decreases and some of the protection offered by childhood vaccinations also begins to decrease making you more susceptible to diseases like the flu.  Since the flu is a contagious respiratory illness caused by influenza viruses, the best way to prevent it is by getting a flu vaccination each year.  As always, make sure you talk to your physician about this vaccination to ensure that you’re a appropriate candidate for this shot.

Q.  How can I convince my twin sister that giving up the keys to her car doesn’t mean giving up her independence?

A.  Today’s mature Americans are among the most active and community-engaged seniors in our nation’s history, and mobility and independence are essential to preserving those qualities. Use a respectful tone and speak from a position of concern. Stress your concern for her safety and the safety of others on the road. Be prepared to share alternative transportation options (e.g., how she can get to and from her local grocery store or the doctor’s office) and encourage her to gradually begin using them. Offer to accompany your aunt during the initial “trial run” of her new transportation option to show your support during this adjustment period.

Q.  This year my wife, who is a full-time caregiver for her mother, and I will be celebrating our 35^th wedding anniversary!  What can I do to show my “bride” – and the mother of my 4 children – how much we love and appreciate her?

A.  Congratulations on celebrating such a wonderful occasion!  How about renewing your vows.  What could be more romantic than for you to express your love and appreciation for your wife (and everything she does for the family!) by asking her to marry you all over again?  You can start by visiting the website “I Do, Take Two” which offers guidance on vow renewals (www.idotaketwo.com).  You will find a wealth of information on how to make your vow renewals both memorable and unique.  Here’s a heads up – if you want to get her a present, traditional 35^th wedding anniversary gifts have a theme of coral and more contemporary gifts have a theme of jade.

Q: My husband was just diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease and I’m lost.  What are some tasks I should take care of in advance so that I can be the best caregiver possible?

A.  I’m so sorry to hear about your husband’s diagnosis, I wish you all the best on your caregiving journey.  The first thing you must do is get all of your papers and financial affairs in order.  This seems to be a common-sense type of thing but it’s one that is often put off until it’s too late.  At some point during his illness your husband will no longer be able to sign for himself and if you wait until then the situation will become much more complex. It is important not to just get a will made and signed, but to take care of all the other paper work. Mortgages and all debts should be caught up. You should consult with an experienced eldercare lawyer about the disposition of assets while your spouse is still considered legally competent. Also, make sure that you have other legal documents such as a Durable Power of Attorney (POA) filled out for both you and your spouse. Without a durable POA you may have to go and get a guardianship later in order to speak for your spouse and protect your spouse’s rights.  For more detailed information about how to prepare for your role as a spousal caregiver I suggest that you consult the Alzheimer Foundations website at www.alz.org or call their toll free number (800) 272-3900.

Q.  I will be 62 this year and I’m working part time, can I apply for Social Security benefits?

A.  You can apply as early as 62 for these benefits, but the amount you receive each month will be less than if you wait until full retirement (also called “normal retirement age”).  If you want to keep working while collecting Social Security, your payments may be reduced depending on the amount you earn from your job.  Once you reach full retirement age, there is no limit on the amount you can earn from working while collecting Social Security benefits.  For more information on estimating your potential benefit amounts using different retirement dates and levels of future earnings, visit www.socialsecurity.gov or call 800-772-1213.

Q. My parents are moving in with me and I’m trying to make my home more “senior-friendly” for them.  I’ve heard the most dangerous place in the home for older adults is the bathroom – what can I do to make it safer?

A.  The bathroom is one of the most hazardous places in the home for accidents; as a matter of fact the majority of broken hips are the result of slipping in the bathtub. The U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission reported that there are more than 300,000 bathroom accidents each year and that 2.5 million adults over the age of 65 need special assistance in bathing.  Here is a list of things you can do to help prevent these bathroom accidents:

• Install grab bars on the bathroom walls near the toilet and along the bathtub or shower.
• Place a slip-resistant rug adjacent to the bathtub for safe exit and entry.
• Mount a liquid soap dispenser on the bathtub/shower wall.
• Place nonskid adhesive textured strips on the bathtub/shower floor.
• A combination safety seat/transfer bench can be used in the bathroom to provide additional stability and comfort for transition in and out of the bathtub.
• Create a more stable toilet by using either a raised seat or a special toilet seat with armrests.
• Replace glass shower enclosures with non-shattering material.
•  Place night lights between the bathroom and bedroom to help for safe maneuvering at night.

ALEXIS ABRAMSON, Ph.D. is cited as America’s leading, impassioned champion for the dignity and independence of those over 50. Abramson is the author of two
highly acclaimed books — The Caregivers 
Survival Handbook and Home Safety for Seniors.  For more information go to www.alexisabramson.com.

The time to plan a family meeting is before your parent(s) has a crisis that requires immediate attention.  Be proactive.  Clues from your parent – such as increasing forgetfulness, missed medications or difficulties managing money, keeping house or getting to appointments – are all signs that a family meeting may be in order.  The following ten tips will help make your family meeting more efficient and productive.

Meet ASAP.  If a crisis has happened and you’re the primary caregiver, the sooner you hold the meeting, the sooner you can get help and the less time your family members have to get stuck in the comfortable rut of letting you do all the work.

Set the Agenda.  This meeting is serious business.  Make up an agenda just as you would if you were holding a business meeting.  Carefully consider which decisions need to be made and which tasks need to be completed.  Write them all down in advance.  If possible, mail, e-mail or fax a copy to all family members before meeting.  This will give them ample time to consider how they can best help before they meet with the entire group.

Establish Meeting Rules.  One person should lead the meeting.  Often, this is the person who is closest (either geographically and/or emotionally) to the parent and who will most likely be the primary caregiver.  In some cases, people have a family friend or less involved third party lead the meeting.  Make it clear that each person should treat the others with respect.  No shouting.  No interrupting.  No name-calling.  You get the idea.

Give Everyone Time to Talk.  Everyone should have the opportunity to provide input and have your full attention while they speak.  To ensure that even quiet family members get a chance to talk, give each one an allotted time.  You might want to call on them in alphabetical order or in order of age.

Ask for Volunteers.  Give everyone the opportunity to volunteer for particular tasks (such as locating legal documents, picking up your parent’s prescriptions, or hiring a home health care aide).  Before the meeting, decide whom you would choose for each job and make a list.  Consider your family members’ talents and interests – which jobs would they do well?  Which jobs would they most likely enjoy?  If no one volunteers for tasks, start recruiting based on your list.

Be Specific.  If you need help with certain caregiving tasks, be specific with your requests.  For example, “Mom gets a senior discount at the grocery store on Wednesdays.  Would one of you be able to take her to the grocery store each Wednesday morning?” or “I have to be out of town for business March 10 through 14.  Could one of you plan to check on her daily and be on call for her on those particular days?”

Focus on the Issue at Hand.  Your sister was rude to you last Thanksgiving.  Your brother’s rowdy kids practically wrecked your home.  Sure, you have grievances with your siblings, but now is not the time to bring them up or let them influence your decisions.  The family meeting is to discuss your parent’s – nothing more.  Stick to the task.

Look to the Future.  As you arrange your parent’s care for the here and now, don’t forget that health and abilities change – sometimes quickly.  Come up with a contingency plan – or at least the agreement to hold another family meeting if your parent’s condition changes and you need to make new arrangements or assign new responsibilities.

Establish a Spokesperson.  If your parent needs someone to communicate with his or her doctor and other health professionals, it’s much better to assign one person to the task.  Pick someone who is reliable, has good communication skills and is willing to keep other family members up to date regarding your parent’s health information.  Often this will be the primary caregiver, because this person has the main responsibility for their parent’s care and probably has the closest relationship with the medical team.

Request a break.  If family members live far from your parent and have difficulty participating in day-to-day care, request that they devote one week of their vacation time each year to give you a break.  If that’s not possible, at least ask for an occasional weekend.  Get them to commit to specific dates in writing.  Depending on your parent’s health, he or she may be able to travel to them or they may need to come to the parent.  The important thing is that you get time off to relax and rejuvenate away from your parent.

ALEXIS ABRAMSON, Ph.D. is cited as America’s leading, impassioned champion for the dignity and independence of those over 50. Abramson is the author of two
highly acclaimed books — The Caregivers 
Survival Handbook and Home Safety for Seniors.  For more information go to www.alexisabramson.com.

Many caregivers tell me they are greeted by their loved one with “Hello, stranger” or “It’s about time you came to see your old man,” even if they just visited a few days before.  Others tell me that their parents don’t seem to enjoy the time they’re together because they are so concerned about the time they aren’t together!  If your parent’s remarks make you feel like screaming or just stopping your visits altogether, avoid making any rash decisions.  First consider the reasons he or she may be acting this way.

• The need for reassurance.  At a time in their lives that is characterized by loss – of their friends and loved ones, health, abilities, and so forth – your parents may be scared that they will lose you too.  Assure them that you still love them and will be there when they need you.

• Jealousy.  Although it’s hard to think of parents being jealous of their children, it happens.  You have your health, your family, your job, your life, your independence and probably many opportunities they never had.  They may see any or all of these things as competition for your interest and affections.  If you really loved them, they reason, you’d put them before the other interests in your life.

• Difference of Perspective.  For many caregivers with jobs and other commitments, devoting even a few hours to caring for aging parents is difficult.  A couple of hours in the evening seems like a long time when you’ve worked all day and you have more work – and possibly a family deserving of your attention – waiting for you when you get home.  On the other hand, for the mature adult with few responsibilities at this time in their lives and perhaps few interests except for a grown child, a few hours seems insignificant compared to the long, tedious hours they’re alone.  Seeing you provides a respite from boredom and loneliness.  No wonder why they don’t want you to leave.  And they’re likely to resort to guilt tactics to keep you there longer and make you feel like you need to come back sooner.

• Forgetfulness.  If your aging loved one is cognitively impaired, perhaps he or she doesn’t remember that you visited just yesterday or that you’ve been sitting on the sofa together for three hours.  If a cognitively impaired parent argues that you are late or haven’t visited, there is no reason to start a fight by telling him just how often or how long you do visit.  Nor is there reason to feel guilty if your parent insinuates that you “don’t care” if you don’t spend enough time with her.  You can gently tell her that you do love being with her but that the need to earn a living or care for your own family or home makes it impossible to spend as much time with her as you would like.  Reassure her that you’re always nearby, and in the event of an emergency, you will do all you can to get to her as quickly as possible.

Of course, even if your aging loved one still has all her faculties, she will most likely want more time and attention than you can offer.  One solution is to help your parent find other interests – besides you!  Having other places to direct their attention will help relieve boredom.  Encourage other family members and friends to visit your mother or take her out if she’s able.  Check into adult day care programs or activities at a nearby senior center.  If your parent attends a place of worship, find out if they offer events for seniors.

Simple cards and gifts can be a good way to reassure an older adult who fears abandonment.  A gift such as a large-print book, a videotape, a craft kit or a gift certificate from her favorite store or restaurant will serve double-duty.  She’ll have the pleasure of opening the gift and knowing you’re thinking of her and she’ll also have an activity to look forward to or something to keep her busy.

But, if you do decide to try these strategies, be careful.  You don’t want your parent to constantly expect gifts or planned activities.  Nor do you want gifts and activities to replace the time you spend with her.  Even so, a few dollars and an hour or so of planning now and then – when combined with your own reassurance – can let her know you care, improve her mood and perhaps help reduce the number of times you have to hear, “It’s about time you came for a visit” or “Why are you in such a hurry to leave?”

ALEXIS ABRAMSON, Ph.D. is cited as America’s leading, impassioned champion for the dignity and independence of those over 50. Abramson is the author of two
highly acclaimed books — The Caregivers 
Survival Handbook and Home Safety for Seniors.  For more information go to www.alexisabramson.com.

As the countries 78 million baby boomers have begun aging, “…there is a trend toward activities that are moderate in intensity and not so pounding on the body,” says Richard Cotton, an exercise physiologist who is a spokesman for the American Council on Exercise. Comfort and lower injury risk are the major forces that have driven the switch to low-impact activities.  “Because older adults are more prone to musculoskeletal injury, low-impact exercises are ideal for them,” Cotton says. In addition, it has been documented that mature adults are much more likely to stick with a less grueling routine over the long haul.

The American Sports Data Corporation (ASD), an organization which tracks exercise trends, also agrees that the hottest exercise trends for mature adults are those that demand less “power” yet still burn a significant number of calories.  The ASD’s latest survey of 15,000 mature adults shows that althugh gym membership amongst the 55+ crowd has increased — especially among women — joint-jarring activities like aerobics and kickboxing are giving way to gentler pursuits such as pilates, yoga, tai chi, elliptical trainers and exercise bikes.

• Pilates - Originally designed to give dancers muscle strength without bulk, Pilates was largely ignored by the general public for almost a century. Only two years ago, fewer than 10% of gyms offered classes in mat Pilates, a blend of stretching and calisthenics designed to enhance alignment, increase flexibility, and firm abdominal and back muscles. Currently almost 40% of facilities offer Pilates as a regular exercise class. Pilates is a body conditioning system made up of various exercises that help mature adults build strength by improving flexibility, agility and economy of motion. Pilates can even help alleviate chronic ailments and back pain – all without building excess bulk. It has also been noted that with this type of fitness program there is often a marked improvement in posture and an increase in joint stability.

• Yoga - Americans first turned to the 5,000-year-old stretching and relaxation technique in the 1960s, looking for a way to get “high” without drugs. Now, the yoga/tai chi category boasts over 11 million followers, almost double the 5.7 million who participated in 1998. Yoga helps mature adults maintain a fitter body, calmer mind and feel more relaxed.  Recent studies have shown that Yoga can normalize your blood pressure and even balance your nervous system all while using breathing techniques to cleanse your air passages; this cleansing also helps mature adults prevent respiratory ailments.

• Elliptical Trainers and Recumbent Bikes - More than 10 million Americans currently use elliptical trainers, a knee-friendly cross between a stair climber and a cross-country-ski machine. That’s a surge of 177% over the 1998 level of 3.9 million — and a sign that elliptical trainers have passed the litmus test of health club acceptance.  More than 10 million Americans now recline while they pedal using recumbent bikes, an increase of about 50% since 1998. Not only are these machines more comfy than ordinary exercise bikes for mature adults, they also alleviate considerable amounts of stress off achy lower backs.

• Tai Chi - Tai Chi is an ancient Chinese martial arts program that is said to help mature adults improve their balance and potentially avoid falls.  According to Mayo Clinic research one of out every three adults 65+ is involved in an accident resulting in a fall.  The slow, gentle and soothing movements of Tai Chi help older adults develop stronger muscles, improve balance control, enhance concentration and stabilize psychological well-being.  The movements and philosophy of Tai Chi also teach one to relax, slow down, coordinate the mind and body and improve posture.

Fitness experts warn that by itself, any one of these low-impact exercises is not enough to stay fit.  While aging boomers are fueling the exercise trend toward kinder, gentler workouts, experts say that anyone who wants to stay fit — particularly beginning exercisers — should also consider incorporating low-intensity activities into their routine. The ideal routine combines the strength, flexibility, and balance training of yoga and Pilates with an aerobic activity such as brisk walking.  Whatever exercise program you decide to embrace, remember to always check with your physician before you begin.

Sources:

• Mayo Clinic (www.mayoclinic.com)
• American Senior Fitness Association (www.seniorfitness.net)
• American Council on Exercise (www.acefitness.org)
• ABC of Yoga (www.abc-of-yoga.com)
• CDC (www.cdc.gov)
• Balanced Body (www.pilates.com)

ALEXIS ABRAMSON, Ph.D. is cited as America’s leading, impassioned champion for the dignity and independence of those over 50. Abramson is the author of two
highly acclaimed books — The Caregivers 
Survival Handbook and Home Safety for Seniors.  For more information go to www.alexisabramson.com.